


I’m always in your shadow (will i be enough ?)

by kyo1



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depressed Hinata Shouyou, Depression, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hinata - Freeform, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio - Freeform, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, Hinata Shouyou deserves better, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama - Freeform, Kageyama Tobio in Love, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Nishinoya Yuu & Tanaka Ryuunosuke are Bros, Other, Protective Kageyama Tobio, Sad Hinata Shouyou, Sad themes, Self Harm, Tanaka - Freeform, Team Parents Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Volleyball, hinata shouyou - Freeform, im bad at tags, kageyama tobio - Freeform, nishinoya, no beta - we die like men, sad fic, self doubt, so shh, sugawara - Freeform, takeda - Freeform, tsuki - Freeform, tsukishima - Freeform, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyo1/pseuds/kyo1
Summary: Hinata Shoyo, great at volleyball, great at jumping and a great....decoy.He feels like he’ll never be enough living in Kageyamas shadow
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Everyone, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou & Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou & Sawamura Daichi, Hinata Shouyou & Sugawara Koushi, Hinata Shouyou & Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shouyou & Ukai Keishin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 98





	I’m always in your shadow (will i be enough ?)

**Author's Note:**

> TW FOR GRAPHIC SELF HARM AND SELF DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS , YOUVE BEEN WARNED SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION  
> ~~~~~~~  
> SOOOOO SHDJDKDKD i’ve been OBSESSED with Haikyuu and yk i’m obsessed with something when i read and/or write fanfic about it. This prompt or whatever has been stuck in my head ever since i started watching it but really into it yk? sooo i just had to post it. obviously not my usual fandom but yk i’m just built diff 🥶🥶😈😈👺💀😡⛓⛓. sooo i still appreciate support and constructive criticism. This isn’t fully OC soo yeah , but is my fanfic ever OC ? nahh 😏

Hinata sighed as he closed his backpack. He had practice in a bit and sagged in his seat. 

He loved practicing and playing volleyball, but it feels that recently all he’s good for is being that stupid decoy. And he’ll never beat Kageyama, despite all his empty promises. 

It feels like he’s always in his shadow. ‘ _Oh that number ten is an amazing spiker’ ‘Yeah but it’s the setter than can practically place the ball in his hands!’_

He packed up his stuff and jogged towards the gym, not bothering to run knowing that Kags is already there. 

He can’t really hate him to be honest. He tried to. He tried to be so angry at Kageyama for over shadowing him so much, but he can’t. He knows it’s his fault for being weaker, shorter, dumber... it’s always mistake after mistake. 

“You okay Hinata? You look down” Suga said as they got warmed up. 

Hinata quickly put on a fake smile. “Of course ! I’m great!” He said. “Let’s get this game started!” He sprinted his laps around the gym. 

“It’s not a game short stuff” Tssuki grumbled. 

They all finished their laps and stood in front of Ukai. “Ok guys, today we will focus on spiking...” 

Ukais voice drifted away as Hinatas thoughts ran wild. He knew he will just end up embarrassing himself as always, he’ll never do good enough in a practice. 

He will always just be a little pawn. 

“-e ready? Get in position boys!” Ukai clapped his hands. 

* * *

“This one is for you Hinata” Kageyama said as he was receiving the ball. He set it perfectly, right where Hinatas hand would hit it smack in the center with his palm. 

Hinata ran and jumped, but only for it to go wrong as he hit it to the side. He didn’t time it right. 

“You dumbass! It was right there! Ugh pick up the pace” Kageyama said angrily. 

“Sorry! I’ll be better!” Hinata yelled softly as he hunched up his shoulders. Kageyama didn’t even spare a glance. 

“You should’ve hit that square in the center kid, don’t slack off just because it’s a practice!” Ukai yelled from the sidelines. Hinata nodded and got ready for another ball. 

“DAMMIT HINATA HIT THE BALL” Tanaka yelled as Hinata tried to hit another ball. 

“Tanaka” Suga warned. 

“He should’ve hit that! Ugh” Tanaka rolled his eyes and groaned. 

Hinata looked down and clenched his fists. _He’ll never be good enough._

~~  
  


”Clean up kids! We have the close the gym” Ukai yelled as picked up a few stray balls. 

Everyone cleaned up and went to the changing rooms. 

“You’re slacking off Hinata, next thing you know someone will replace you in the court” Nishinoya said as he put on his shirt. 

Hinata stiffened momentarily, before sighing defeatedly. “I know” He said as he went to the bathroom to change. _God forbid anyone saw his cuts on his thighs._

“Somethings up with him” Suga said as Hinata walked towards the stall. 

“He’s slower” Kageyama said. “And that will only push us back”. 

“He’s just... i don’t know guys. Something is off with him” Suga sighed. 

“You’re just overprotective of Hinata, Suga. He’s fine” Kageyama replied. 

“As if you’re not overprotective as well King” Tssuki swiftly said as he smirked. 

“Shut up bean pole” Kageyama glared at Tssuki. 

“Ughh” Nishinoya groaned. “Get a grip you skyscrapers”. 

“Who wants to get some pork buns?” Tanaka smirked. 

“Count me in” The rest said in unison. 

* * *

Hinata sighed as he laid in bed. He subconsciously brought his hand to his wrist. He hasn’t cut in a few months, and luckily the scars have faded enough to be unnoticeable if you weren’t specifically looking for them. 

He looked towards his drawer, knowing what was inside. In a split second he sprung out of bed and grabbed the blade from inside the drawer and made his way to the bathroom. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Suddenly everything silenced. His ears rang softly and his vision blurred softly at the edges. 

Hinata looked at his reflection, not even flinching when he didn’t recognize who has staring back. He turned his eyes down to look at his hands. He closed them in a fist, wincing when the blade pricked his skin. He uncurled them and took the blade between his finger tips. 

With the blade in hand, he brought it down towards his wrist. He hesitated for a second. What if someone saw ? What if someone noticed ? They would call him a freak , right? 

But then he thought about all the mistakes he’s made. He thought about all the mistakes he will only continue to make. He thought about only being in the background of Kageyamas spotlight. 

He’ll never be worthy without him. 

And he brought the blade down. 

It cut through the skin, and out came pouring the crimson liquid. He stared, mesmerized for a few seconds. Before slicing again, and again, and again, and again. 

He lost count, and all his other senses apparently. When he came back, he looked down and saw his bloody wrist. He turned the faucet on and brought his wrist under the water. It stung but then it felt cool. 

He took paper towels and dried up the blood and water. When he saw a few of them still bleeding, he took a paper towel and wrapped it around, securing it with tape. 

He went to sleep, trying to not disturb the cuts. 

~~ 

His alarm blared, he woke up slightly disoriented. He turned off that god-awful machine and look down. “The bleeding stopped, thank god” He said as he noticed that the bleeding must’ve stopped some time last night. 

He got up and got ready for another day of hell. 

* * *

Hinata put his bag down on the floor of the bathroom stall to get ready for practice. He took off his jacket and pulled out his forearm sleeve, silently cursing to himself because he brought the white one by accident. 

He put it on and thankfully nothing could be seen. He sighed in relief and put on his uniform. 

~~  
  


“Today we are practicing our receives” Ukai started. “You guys are amazing at blocking and spiking, especially with the super attack” He glanced at Kageyama and Hinata. “But our receiving needs work. So, I’ll be throwing some spikes and do your best to hit them okay?” Ukai finished, nodding when everyone said yes and got ready in line to receive. 

“Good job Nishinoya” Ukai stated as Nishinoya did his thunder roll. 

“Yeah!” Noya replied excitedly. 

“Hey Kageyama?” Ukai asked. Kageyama turned around. “Help me with the spikes” . 

Kageyama stood close to the stairs Ukai was on, ready to receive a set. 

Hinata blanched , but got in position to receive. 

Ukai set the ball and Kageyama spiked it hard, but Hinata missed it. 

Hinata winced softly at his mistake already knowing what’s coming. 

“You dumbass get to the ball!” Kageyama yelled as he spiked a ball right towards Hinata. 

Hinata panicked, but set his arms in position. The ball came too hard, and he gasped in pain when it made contact on his forearms. He bit his lip and grabbed his upper wrist. 

The team all turned towards Hinata after he gasped. 

“Hinata?” Suga jogged towards Hinata, who was now kneeled on the ground, his wrist close to his chest. 

“No!” Hinata panicked again. “Uhm I meant no, i’m fine” He tried, and failed, to give a reassuring smile. 

Suga looked down and widened his eyes. “You’re bleeding” he said concerned. 

“What?No i’m not-“ Hinata in his panicked state didn’t notice Kageyama approach. He only noticed when his arm was grabbed and the sleeve was pulled down. 

He turned to Kageyama the same moment Kageyama let his arm fall in shock. 

The silence in the gym at the moment was almost deafening. 

“Uh-“ Hinata started but was interrupted. 

“You’re- You’re cutting yourself?” Daichi said, his voice cracking slightly with emotion. 

Hinata sobbed and got up and ran out of the gym. 

“Hinata-“ Kageyama started as he raced behind him. 

The rest of the team stared at each other with shocked expressions. They didn’t know what to do...

* * *

”HINATA STOP” Kageyama said as he finally reached Hinata and grabbed the back of his shirt. 

“Please just-“ Hinata sobbed brokenly. “Please leave me alone”.

Kageyama inhaled before bringing Hinata for a hug. “You dumbass” He muttered as he tightened his grip on Hinata. 

Hinata stiffened in the hug, but later relaxed in the warm embrace. 

“I’m s-so-sorry i- i’m s-such a f-f-freak” Hinata sobbed. He cried into Kageyamas shirt, finally feeling safe enough to break down his walls. 

“You’re not a freak you dumbass, you’re a dumbass” Kageyama said. Hinata giggled a little bit in response, making Kageyama smile. 

“I’m sorry” He cried. 

“You’ll be okay Shouyou” said Kageyama. “I promise” he added in a whisper. 

**Author's Note:**

> Plss comment if you liked it, it’s my first time writing about Haikyuu and i’m ~nervous~  
> also , pls excuse any grammatical errors , i hate proof reading


End file.
